... just melt my heart down ....

the 2 girls have made a bet that between 3 of us, i'm gonna be the first one to have a boyfriend.. hmm.. i had a boyfriend once, but, it's been 1 1/2 years since i once called a guy 'my boyfriend'..

came to think of it.. what make the girls think like that? is it because i've been in the relationship once and my chances are bigger to get myself into it again? is it got to do with my obsession and comment about all the cutie, good-looking guy that pass to my eyes? no offence to them.. it made me think, if they're right, who is the guy?

my life is pretty simple. sleep.. wake up.. go to uni.. back from uni.. home.. sleep.. wake up.. go to uni.. been doing that for past 2 years, and still no boyfriend (not that i've been searcinh for one!!), and my circle of friend still the same, so, do the leading man or someone with XY chromosome in my life..

1. my DAD : the first man in my life and still are.. we're not close.. just a father and daughter relationship.. i dont share stories about my school life, my lovers, my interest, my sad story with my dad. all i can remember is telling him about my progress in study, my marks for the exam, asking him money to pay for my tuition bills, books and flight tickets, his permission for going out.. but, i love him for what he;s done as my father.. who could not love a man who came to visit me every week, dragging my mom and my little bro with my fav home-cook food.. i bet he's gonna do the same if i'm in uni in m'sia..

2. my 1st little BRO : he once said that i'm the big evil sister.. who could blame him for saying that.. imagine me banging the door, scolding him to turn off the shower and start to at least brush himself with a soap.. hehe.. well, in my opinion, he only have himself to blame.. 20 minutes in the shower with toys is not my way saying 'i'm cleaning myself'.. hehe..

3. my cutie little bro : i still remember that how much i hate him when my mom's got pregnant.. i'm 15 at that time, and i'm gonna have another brother? i got 1 of them plus 3 sis and i think that's enough.. how are we all gonna fit in that small car? and then, when he finally came into the world, i could not help myself but give him all the love in the world. i've done all the things that a sister can do for her little brother and he's the most precious things that i hate to leave for Melbourne..

4. safwan : a very complicated & undefined relationship. when people ask what are we? i just can say that we are just friends! but, both of us know, we are not just friend.. we are more than a friend.. but, how much more than a friend are we? most of his friends (except for girls) think i'm his girl.. and most of my friend think i should be his girl (even when i got a boyfriend) or we are gonna be an item in the future.. it seems like a myth that people keep repeating in my head. i could not help but imagine a life with his as my bf and to the extent as my husband. he would make the perfect one like Aidan Shaw.. but the real questions is, why are we still not there yet? we've known each other since we're kids, but we still stuck in this undefined territory.. he got all those hints that saying 'i like you so much' but neither of us, had the nerve to take it to the next level. even if he pop up the inevitable subject of his heart, i'm not sure if i'm gonna be on the same boat as him. i dont want to be like Carrie, forcing herself to believe that she's in love with Aidan.. i've been spending my time hating CArrie while i' watching SATC for what she did to Aidan.. i dont want to ended up like her, breaking the perfect and nicest man a.k.a Aidan coz Safwan is just like Aidan.. and i'm determined not to be like Carrie coz i am no Carrie Bradshaw (hey, i even dont like shopping for shoes!)




5. Maldini and co a.k.a all the soccer players, Damien Van Zyl and others : THE FAV subject to talk about . not what's the latest fashion trends, what the colour os the season, what the new make-up line, and not what on the fashion mag this month!!! i've decided that's the most plesure thing that i've ever talk about is how this guys look in their outfit, how they swift the ball pass to their teamates, how they dribble, swing their feet and score from any range. i love to talk about the build up to the goal and i love how they celebrate the goal, especially when they take their shirt off and all their mates came, hug and give the perfect and desirable smile i can ever wish.. and off-course their handsome, cute, 'kacak', boyish, macho looks.. and for Damien van Zyl, his cold looks on the runaway.. of course, they only sensible person that can stand all this-talking is my sis..

6. Lachlan Miles : what can i say about him? 2 years younger than me. a devotee Christian.. i can only manage to have a conversation when he sit beside me. hopeless business! but, maybe that's why i'm so into him. something for fun!!

hmm.. now, when i think again.. i'm not so sure about me, being the 1st one to have a boyfriend.. i'm putting my bet on either you two, girls!!!

The truth is rarely pure and never simple

Oscar Wilde,
The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895, Act I

♥ ♥ ♥ aJLa I'm no angel.. and i manage to remain alive in my own quirky way

"Look at the stars, and not the reflection of the moon."

*having my wickest dream come true *hint* dvz *hint*
*not to kill anyone as a doctor
*a person who can swept me off my feet